Negating Negativity in the Lolita Community

It’s natural to feel down when you’ve been a target of criticism no matter how small the campaign. These days it seems the community is abuzz with how cruel some parts of it can be. While I can say it has gotten a lot better than the livejournal days, that doesn’t mean it’s a thing of the past. If you feel affected by someone’s words take a deep breath and try to maintain a positive outlook!

Talk about it

Keeping emotions bottled up will only cause them to linger. Find an outlet in someone close to you such as a sibling, a good friend, or a parter. Just writing about it in a personal diary can do wonders for blowing off steam! By the end of the conversation (even if it’s one you have on paper with yourself) you should be ready to laugh at the insult. I mean think about it, someone actually took the time to put their negativity into something so trivial- how petty!

And if you find you don’t have a listening ear, please feel free to email me or leave a comment on this post.

Ignore It

Being that the majority of bullying in the community occurs online, one of the best ways to deal with it is to ignore it altogether. Ask your friends not to share with you when you’re a target for insults, and avoid websites where it’s allowed to happen. Keep in mind that whoever has time in their day to point out the faults in others and put them on a platform for discussion must not have much else better to do. You yourself must find better ways to occupy your time than to sit there reading it!

Sometimes this may not be so easy. If you’re targeted directly I recommend blocking the users or reporting it to the content provider. You shouldn’t have to be chased out by bullies from your own spaces.

Don’t take part

The worst thing you can do is to perpetuate the cycle. After all, the more negative content being generated the more tolerated it becomes. It can be tempting to lash back at whoever put you down, but that will only make you as good as the person who hurt you. Never forget that there is a real person behind both screens. Find a more productive way to feel better about yourself, like taking part in a self-indulgent pampering session, watching your favorite movie, or going out with friends. Suddenly their words won’t seem so meaningful.

It can also be tempting to try and defend yourself against insults, but that can often exacerbate the situation. Even your most diplomatic argument may fall on deaf ears, and once a bully knows they’ve got your attention it can get a little wild.

We often put a lot of stock into negative criticism because we believe it to be more true. Start putting the same weight on the compliments you receive and you’ll find yourself a lot happier. Don’t blame yourself or beat yourself up over someone else’s comments. Have a wondrous day and thanks for reading!

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