On Leaving Lolita

It is a particularly somber moment to realize when the love you once had for a pastime has weakened. For many months I’ve quietly watched friends wax melancholic about leaving lolita. It is as if every day brings a new post of feeling drained by the community and getting lost in the meaning of dressing this way. While surely I can’t stop anyone from selling their wardrobe and finding greener pastures, I do have something I’d like to say.

Think hard about what lolita means to you, personally.

Strip away everyone else in the world and focus on what made it special to you. It could be an escape from everyday life or a sort of battle armor for going out in public. Perhaps it’s a reason to meet with friends. Or maybe it’s an outlet for creativity. We all have a reason unique and personal to us for donning these frills. In the hustle and bustle of modern life it should be a treat and not a burden.

If you’re feeling too lost and conflicted to think in the present it may do good to travel back into the root of your attraction. What makes you fall in love with lolita all over again? When parched for inspiration I find it so indulgently euphoric to read back through an old lolita blog or pour over snaps from meetups across the world. It’s the bigger picture of dressing in a way that makes you happy and finding friendship with others across the world who do the same that fills me. A few things that may inspire are:

  • Finding a cozy, quite place to leaf through a Gothic Lolita Bible
  • Responding as “going” to the next scheduled meet
  • Assembling imaginary coordinates with your favorite pieces
  • Re-reading dreamy blog posts
  • Flipping through outfit snaps
  • Dressing for yourself as soon as you get home from work or school
  • Watching historical dramas from your favorite eras of fashion

Photo courtesy of ミ ルク

From my corner of observation the prevailing reason that spells near defeat has been the lolita community at large. As the community continues to expand there will come with it many personalities as well as pockets of negativity on varying scales. But being part of a lolita community does not have to mean international or online if you start to find it discouraging. Your own sense of community could just be with the friends you’ve made through events, or maybe you find being a lone lolita suits you best. Maybe you really do enjoy being part of the community at large but have been at a loss. Find your personal sweet spot.

Of course, for some it may just be the time to let go, and that is all just as well. Perhaps after trying to rekindle the flame in your heart it has only smoldered further. With complete confidence in your decision you may now start on your next chapter. Only consider that you do so for the right reasons.

Have you ever had thoughts of leaving lolita? I can’t say that I have personally, though there have been times where I felt a little burned out. Have a wondrous day and thank you for reading.

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